JoeMama's Movie Reviews

The Quick and the Undead Starring Clint Glenn, Erin McCarthy, Parrish Randall, Dion Day Directed by Gerald Nott The Story: Eighty-two years ago, a zombie outbreak turned the world into the living dead, and society crumbled and returned to an old West style, where the only way to earn a living is to become a zombie bounty hunter.  Ryn (Clint Glenn) is a solo bounty hunter who's excellent at killing zombies, but then gets ambushed by rogue hunter Blythe (Parrish Randall) and his crew, and Ryn is left for dead.  Seeking revenge, Ryn embarks on a journey through the new West in search of Blythe. The Synopsis: I really can appreciate a low-budget horror movie, if it's done right.  While you can sense the heart behind "The Quick and the Undead," you can't help but notice that this isn't one of those well-done low-budget films.  The story crumbles from the start, the effects look cheesy, the dialogue is strained, and the sound is horrendous.  The only ...

Plasterhead Starring Kathryn Merry, Joshua Macuga, Ernest Dancy, Raine Brown Directed by Kevin Higgins The Story: While heading to Miami for Spring Break, friends Maggie (Kathryn Merry), Steve (Joshua Macuga), David (Ernest Dancy), and Audra (Raine Brown) take a detour through a small West Virginia town, where David finds a woman's purse in a field.  Maggie and Steve want to return it to its owner, but no one in town seems to know where the address is, and for good reason. There's a local legend known as Plasterhead, an African American man who was lynched by a drunken mob years earlier and left for dead, but instead he survived and has a terribly scarred face, and he lives in an abandoned home and hunts down anyone who enters his premises, which is what happens to the four travelers, as they find themselves in the killer's house with little to no means of escape. The Synopsis: Independent horror films are a dime a dozen, and I can appreciate a director...

Over Your Dead Body Starring Ko Shibasaki, Ebizo Ichikawa XI, Hideaki Ito, Miho Nakanishi Directed by Takashi Miike The Story: While rehearsing for a 200-year-old play, real-life couple Kousuke (Ebizo Ichikawa XI) and Miyuki (Ko Shibasaki) find themselves intertwined with the story taking place on stage.  As the play revovles around murder, betrayal, and vengeance, Kousuke and Miyuki face their own turmoils that slowly escalate to deadly consequences, and the lines between reality and fantasy get irreversibly blurred. The Synopsis: Asian horror is rooted firmly in the nation's deep connection to the spirit world.  Unlike Western cultures, the Asian culture holds the afterlife in high regard and often feel that the physical and spiritual exist side-by-side.  The films that come from Asia (and Japan in particular) reflect these views, and have given us some chill-inducing talent such as "Ringu," "Ju-On," and "Kairo" - all of which have bee...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Horror Remakes   Very rarely does a remake end up as good or even better than the original, but there's those certain films that actually do just that, and while there's more bad remakes than good, I managed to pick ten horror remakes that are just as good or even better than the original. Here are my personal top ten horror remakes, worst2first... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10  Evil Dead While the original is still the best (after all, no one can compare to the amazing Bruce Campbell), the 2013 remake managed to incorporate the same feel but also be more terrifying and include more blood than before, especially during the final scene.  When a group of friends go to a cabin in the woods, they unknowingly unleash a demon who demands a blood sacrifice, resulting in a possession, some truly cringe-worthy scenes, and some terrific acting. #9  The Hills Have Eyes It's not easy to take a Wes Cra...

Nine Lives Starring David Nicolle, Amelia Warner, Paris Hilton, Ben Peyton Directed by Andrew Green The Story: Nine friends meet at a Scottish mansion to celebrate the 21st birthday of their friend Tim (Patrick Kennedy), and all seems to be going well until one of them finds a hidden book that tells the story of a Scottish man named Murray, who was put to death during the last Scottish uprising.  The spirit of Murray then enters one of their friends, and goes on a killing spree.  The main problem arises when the survivors learn that if they kill whoever Murray is possessing, he will possess them.  Laura (Amelia Warner) and her ex Pete (David Nicolle) try to find a way to stop the spirit without killing the host, thus becoming possessed themselves. The Synopsis: Basically, "Nine Lives" is what a story would be if Agatha Christie was a twelve-year-old.  There's hints of classic stories like "And Then There Were None," but instead of a stylish, suspe...

The Midnight Game Starring Renee Olstead, Shelby Young, Guy Wilson, Valentina de Angelis Directed by A.D. Calvo The Story: After her mother goes away for the weekend, Kaitlan (Renee Olstead) invites her friends for a night of fun.  Her best friend Jenna's (Valentina de Angelis) boyfriend Shane (Guy Wilson) comes up with the idea to play "The Midnight Game" - a game that could bring about the Midnight Man, a spirit that haunts its victims with their biggest fears. The game is simple - light a candle, write your name with a drop of your blood, knock on wood twenty-two times, and keep your candle lit until 3:33 am.  If your candle goes out, you have ten seconds to re-light it, or surround yourself in a circle of salt to prevent the Midnight Man from getting you.  At first, it seems like just a game, but soon the teens find themselves haunted by their biggest fears, leading them to wonder if this is more than just a game. The Synopsis: I'm always a sucker...

Lake Fear Starring Shanon Snedden, Taylor LeeAnn Graham, Jessica Willis, Jori Gill Directed by Michael Crum The Story: Friends Jordan (Shanon Snedden), Kathy (Taylor Leeann Graham), Tina (Jessica Willis), and Stephanie (Jori Gill) decide to go to a cabin in the woods for a weekend trip, but learn soon after arriving that the cabin has some evil spirits inside that doesn't want the girls to leave. The Synopsis: The thing I can appreciate the most about horror is the ability to tell any type of story and make it truly terrifying.  Ghosts, aliens, evil clowns, spiders, heights, enclosed spaces - there's a plethora of topics you can pick to make a scary movie out of.  Also, you don't need a big budget to make a horror movie work, some of the most terrifying films were done on shoe-string budgets.  That's what's so frustrating about "Lake Fear" - it's nowhere near scary, and there's absolutely no story to it whatsoever.  Despite having a ...