JoeMama's Movie Reviews

The Dark Tower Starring Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Claudia Kim Directed by Nikolaj Arcel The Story: In New York, young Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) has been having strange visions of a different world, a dark tower, a Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey), and the Gunslinger (Idris Elba).  When he finds a portal to a different world, he finds that his dreams are actually reality, and comes into contact with the Gunslinger, Roland Deschain. Roland tells Jake that the Man in Black - whose name is Walter - is set on destroying the dark tower, which protects all worlds against a deadly evil.  Walter goes in search of Jake because he has the biggest psychic ability he's seen, and can use that to destroy the tower for good, while Roland sets out to kill Walter for killing his father. The Synopsis: When Peter Jackson first approached the Weinstein Company about his vision for "Lord of the Rings," they originally wanted him to condense all three book...

Despicable Me 3 Starring Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, Trey Parker, Miranda Cosgrove Directed by Kyle Balda, Pierre Coffin & Eric Guillon The Story: Now a reformed villain, Gru (Steve Carell) and his wife Lucy (Kristen Wiig) are now working for the Anti-Villain League, on the hunt for former child star Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker), who turned to a life of crime after his show was cancelled.  Although he is able to get back the world's largest diamond, he's fired for not apprehending Bratt (along with Lucy). News then arrives from Gru's long-lost twin brother, Dru (Steve Carell), inviting the family to his palatial mansion in Feedonia.  While Gru's daughters come into situations of their own (Edith and Agnes go in search of unicorns, while Margo deals with the unwanted affections of a local boy) and Lucy tries to be a better mother, Dru confesses to Gru that the reason he got in contact with him was to be a better villain.  Seeing this as an opportunity ...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Favorite Tearjerker Films I readily admit that movies affect me.  Sure, I love seeing a film for its acting talent, developed story, butt-kicking action and thrills and chills, but I also have the feels.  There's been a lot of movies that I've felt emotional towards, and these are my top ten favorite tearjerker films, worst2first... **THERE COULD BE SPOILERS DUE TO THE NATURE OF THIS LIST!** #10 Up Disney has a way to pull at the heart strings in surprising ways, and "Up" does so in the first ten minutes, telling the most beautiful love story set to screen before the adventure of a lifetime begins.  The emotional beginning sets up for a fun-filled, laugh-riot adventure between a crotchety old man, his Boy Scout sidekick, and the most awesome dog in the...SQUIRREL......world. #9 Still Alice Julianne Moore has been one of the most underrated actresses of our time, on par with the likes of Meryl Streep ...

Major Theatrical Releases August 2017 Typically the last month of summer brings the leftovers that studios wanted to release in the summer but not during the time of the heavy hitters.  This year, however, looks to be a rather exciting month with some highly anticipated films - as well as the obvious stinkers - that makes this month something of an anomaly. Here are the major theatrical releases for August 2017. **There will be no spoilers** **Dates are still subject to change** The Dark Tower August 4 After much hype and anticipation, "The Dark Tower" - based off a series of books by Stephen King - finally hits theaters.  Idris Elba stars as The Gunslinger, a man tasked to protect the Dark Tower from being destroyed and ending several worlds, including Earth.  Matthew McConaughey stars as The Man in Black, The Gunslinger's nemesis and the one who sets out to destroy the tower.  While I'm excited that the film is finally being made, seeing...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Worst Films  to be Nominated for an Oscar The Academy Awards are the gold standard of cinema, the statuette that everyone in Hollywood pines for, and establishes the winner as the best of the best. Yet, even the Academy can get it wrong, and here are ten films I feel shouldn't have been nominated for an Oscar, worst2first (the "first" being the least deserving). **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 Sideways The story of two men nearing middle age traveling the wine country of California is fine enough as it is, and the cast of Paul Giamatti, Thomas Hayden Church, Sandra Oh and Virginia Madsen is decent enough, but when it's stacked up against fellow nominees "Ray," "Finding Neverland," "The Aviator" and winner "Million Dollar Baby," one has to wonder how it could've been included in such prestigious company. #9 Seabiscuit The Academy Awards are suckers for...

Dunkirk Starring Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance, Kenneth Branagh, Cillian Murphy Directed by Christopher Nolan The Story: "Dunkirk" tells the true-life story of the most harrowing rescue in World War II.  The Nazis have invaded and the allied soldiers have retreated to the shores of Dunkirk, where they're severely outmanned, outgunned and out of options.  The film splits into three narratives, taking place at the same area but in different time frames. On land, lasting one week, we follow the story of three soldiers (Fionn Whitehead, Aneurin Barnard and Harry Styles) who struggle to survive the attack by Nazis by boat, plane and land.  At sea, lasting one day, civilian boater Mr. Dawson (Mark Rylance) travels the Channel with other local boaters to help rescue the men stuck at Dunkirk, picking up a downed captain (Cillian Murphy) on the way, as he struggles with going back to the war.  In the air, lasting one hour, fighter pilots (Tom Hardy and Jack Lowden) ta...

Wish Upon Starring Joey King, Ki Hong Lee, Sydney Park, Ryan Phillippe Directed by John Leonetti The Story: Clare Shannon (Joey King) witnessed her mother hang herself at an early age, and now she's a teenager who's constantly picked on by the pretty, popular people. Her father (Ryan Phillippe) finds an antique Chinese box while dumpster diving, and she concludes she can get seven wishes from it.  As she keeps wishing for her life to get better, it does, but people around her die.  Once the seventh wish is cast, the box owns her soul, but can Clare resist the urge to make that one final wish? The Synopsis: I don't normally do this, and I'm a huge proponent of not doing it, but with a film this awful, this catastrophous (it's so bad I made up a word for it), this mind-numbingly awful, I find it my civil duty as a God-fearing man to spoil the entire movie (if you call this a movie) for you the reader, so I can save you from 90 minutes of your life you c...