JoeMama's Movie Reviews

The Legend of Tarzan Starring Alexander Skarsgard, Margot Robbie, Samuel L. Jackson, Christoph Waltz Directed by David Yates The Story: After the Berlin Conference, the African nation of the Congo was divided between Belgium and the United Kingdom, the former suffering bankruptcy and going into debt due to their desire to build a railroad.  The Belgian King sent an envoy led by Leon Rom (Christoph Waltz) to find rare diamonds known as the Opar, and he comes across an aggressive tribal leader, Mbonga (Djimon Honsou), who kills his men but makes a deal - he will allow Rom to harvest the diamonds in return for his most hated foe: Tarzan. Back in London, Tarzan (Alexander Skarsgard) is now a civilized man, and goes by his birth name - John Clayton III.  He's married to Jane (Margot Robbie), who is a no-nonsense woman, and when the British Prime Minister invites Tarzan to go back to his African home to do some surveying work, he declines.  Then George Washington ...

The Secret Life of Pets Starring Louis C.K., Eric Stonestreet, Kevin Hart, Jenny Slate Directed by Yarrow Cheney & Chris Renaud The Story: Ever wonder what happens when you leave your pets alone?  For a gang of pets in New York City, they miss their owners, watch daytime telenova, host parties, eat everything out of the refrigerator, and fall in love.  Max (Louis C.K.) is a Jack Russell Terrier who is the love of owner Katie's (Ellie Kemper) eye, someone he adores more than anyone, and will do anything to protect her and keep her happy.  That is, until she comes home with Duke (Eric Stonestreet), a Newfoundland who takes over the house from Max by sleeping in his bed, eating his food, and being a major thorn in his side. One day while at the park, Max and Duke get lost and end up on the wrong end of a fight with some strays and end up caught by Animal Control.  They're rescued by psychotic bunny Snowball (Kevin Hart), who runs a gang of flushed anim...

Alice Through the Looking Glass Starring Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Sacha Baron Cohen, Helena Bonham Carter Directed by James Bobin The Story: Years after returning from Wonderland, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) is now a ship captain, helming the boat once owned by her father.  When she returns home she finds her father's company has been taken over by her ex-fiance, who wants her to sign over the rights of the ship to him.  Furious she storms off, where she finds Absolem (voiced by the late Alan Rickman), who is now a butterfly, and takes her to Wonderland through a mirror. Upon arriving, she discovers that the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) is gravely ill, because he feels his family is still alive, although they were supposedly killed years ago by the Jabberwocky.  She feels its impossible, which makes the Mad Hatter even more ill, until she learns from the White Queen (Anne Hathaway) that she can indeed go back in time and fix things by taking the Chronosphere (a d...

Eye in the Sky Starring Helen Mirren, Alan Rickman, Aaron Paul, Barkhad Abdi Directed by Gavin Hood The Story: The terrorist group Al-Shabaab is highly active in East Africa, and word reaches British Colonel Katherine Powell (Helen Mirren) that three of the most wanted terrorist leaders have taken refuge in a safe house in Nairobi, Kenya.  She orders an "eye in the sky" assignment - having a military drone hover over the building in order to gain Intel and capture - from USAR drone pilot Steve Watts (Aaron Paul), who is stationed in Las Vegas. At first the assignment is to just engage the situation as a capture, but when word reaches them that there's three of the most wanted terrorists in the building, Powell wants to make it a targeted assassination.  Word reaches Lieutenant General Frank Benson (Alan Rickman), who is in a room with other British politicians.  After a lengthy debate over the legal and political implications of the strike, it's finally a...

Finding Dory Starring Ellen DeGeneres, Albert Brooks, Hayden Rolence, Ed O'Neill Directed by Andrew Stanton & Angus MacLane The Story: One year after finding Nemo, clownfish Marlin (Albert Brooks), Nemo (Hayden Rolence) and regal blue tang Dory (Ellen DeGeneres) are living a normal, carefree life in the ocean.  Nemo is at fish school, and Dory is her lovable forgetful self.  All that changes when she starts experiencing flashbacks, and realizes that she has a family that she's forgotten until now. The three set out on a cross-ocean adventure to find Dory's parents, leading them to the Jewel of Morro Bay, where Dory meets a grumpy red octopus named Hank (Ed O'Neill), a near-sighted whale shark Destiny (Kaitlin Olson) and Bailey, a beluga whale with no sense of echolocation (Ty Burrell), who assist Dory in her search for her parents.  For a fish who suffers from short-term memory loss, Dory will stop at nothing to make sure her one memory remains foreve...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Films to Watch on Independence Day Fireworks.  Hot dogs.  Beer.  Apple pie.  All are staples of Americana, especially on the celebration of our nation's birth.  Throughout the years, cinema has released classic films that would be perfect for the long Fourth of July weekend, and here are my personal top ten favorites, Worst2First. **There will be no spoilers.** #10 Pearl Harbor Albeit a little lengthy, this Michael Bay-directed epic centers on the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941 and the Doolittle Raid.  This action/dramatic film features great performances by Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Alec Baldwin, and centers around one of the darkest days in American history, as well as the American resolve to not lie down. #9 Forrest Gump Tom Hanks stars in his Oscar-winning role as Forrest Gump, a naive, slow-witted but kind man who influences, witnesses and...

Warcraft Starring Travis Fimmel, Paula Patton, Ben Foster, Dominic Cooper Directed by Duncan Jones The Story: To flee their dying homeland of Draenor, the orcs travel through a magical portal to the human world of Azeroth, and begin taking over their land.  Orc soldier Durotan (Toby Kebbell) becomes wary of his leader, and begins questioning their violent overtaking of this new world, fearful it will just turn into like his previous home. Meanwhile, Anduin Lothar (Travis Fimmel) is a knight serving his fair king Wrynn (Dominic Cooper), and when the orcs attack, he organizes a full-scale retaliation, with the help of their "Guardian" (Ben Foster), a man endued with great magic designed to protect the land.  They capture half-orc, half-human Garona (Paula Patton), who might hold the key to ending the battle. The Synopsis: First of all, I have never played a second of Warcraft, so this movie was specifically not geared for me.  However, when you want to make...