JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse Starring Tye Sheridan, Logan Miller, Joey Morgan, Sarah Dumont Directed by Christopher Landon The Story: Inside a top secret facility, a zombie is accidentally released, and panic begins to spread.  This, however, is of no consequence to Scouts and BFFs Ben (Tye Sheridan), Carter (Logan Miller) and Augie (Joey Morgan), and the town they live in.  For them, it's all about a super secret popular kids party happening the same night Augie is supposed to earn a special badge.  Logan, who longs to be a part of the cool kids and hook up, wants to ditch Augie's event.  Ben, the leader of the group, doesn't want to hurt Augie's feelings - but he's also tired of being a Scout and being made fun of. But then the zombies arrive and that all gets thrown out the window (along with some other appendages you see later on), as the boys band with strip club cocktail waitress Denise (Sarah Dumont) to take out the zombies, get to the ...

Poltergeist Starring Sam Rockwell, Rosemarie DeWitt, Jared Harris, Jane Adams Directed by Gil Kenan The Story: Having lost his job at John Deere, Eric Bowen (Sam Rockwell) has relocated his family to a new housing development.  His wife, Amy (Rosemarie DeWitt), oldest daughter Kendra (Saxon Sharbino), son Griffin (Kyle Catlett) and youngest daughter Madison (Kennedi Clements) begin adjusting to the new house, but Griffin has some doubts.  He's been incredibly fearful of everything since being left alone at a mall, and he fears his new house. One night Griffin sees Madison talking to a static-filled television, and she tells him, "they're here," and hand prints appear on the television.  Then he starts seeing scary things, but no one listens to him.  Then the kids are left alone in the house, and the spirits lash out, taking Madison into their world. Not being able to go to the police, Eric turns to a paranormal research team led by Brooke Powell (Jane...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Horror Films of All Time My friend asked me to make a list of my top ten horror films of all time.  This was no small feat, as the category of "horror" can encompass so many different styles.  Zombies, aliens, paranormal, ghosts, serial killers, psychological thrillers, science fiction, demons, monsters, Tyra Banks...all those and more encapsulate the concept of horror. After a preliminary list of over 100, it took me awhile to bring it down to ten, and - even though it may seem cliche and typical - these ARE my top ten favorite horror films of all time.  From Worst2First. **There could be spoilers throughout, so read at your own risk!** #10 The Cabin in the Woods Long before Joss Whedon directed one of the most ambitious films in modern cinema ("The Avengers"), he directed a cult classic TV show called "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."  The show revolutionized serial horror, as he mixed fighting vampires and demons w...

The Damned Starring Peter Facinelli, Sophia Myles, Nathalia Ramos, Carolina Guerra Directed by Victor Garcia The Story: David (Peter Facinelli) and his fiancee Lauren (Sophia Myles) are in Columbia to pick up his wayward daughter Jill (Nathalia Ramos) to come back to America for their wedding.  Angered that her father is getting re-married after the death of her mother, Jill is reluctant, and then says she can't because she left her passport at her aunt Gina's (Carolina Guerra) house. So David, Lauren, Jill, Gina, and Jill's boyfriend Ramon (Sebastian Martinez) travel to retrieve it. On their travels they come into contact with a flash flood, rendering their car useless as it keeps pouring.  They find shelter in an old inn where there's no phones and no reception, so they decide to wait out the storm. Jill discovers a girl locked in a room in the basement, and after she releases her, terrifying things begin to happen, and it turns out the girl isn't ...

Worst2First: Halloween Movies The 1980s introduced audiences to the unstoppable monster.  The bad guy that can never be stopped, which was proven by how many sequels they appeared in.  Jason Voorhees.  Freddy Krueger.  Chucky.  Pinhead.  They dominated the 80s and are still highly influential even today. Still, there was one that started it all.  In 1978, director John Carpenter gave life to the original Boogeyman.  His name was Michael Myers. No, not THAT one. THAT one! Seen as the expressionless killer, Michael has never uttered a word, never shown his actual face (with the exception to Zombie's films, plus a glimpse in the fifth and - thanks to Ray for reminding me - a better glance in the first after Laurie rips it off), and hides behind the ultimate expressionless facade - a plain white mask that shows no emotion.  As a tiny tidbit, the mask is actually a William Shatner mask from "Star Trek" that was spray-painted whi...

Containment Starring Lee Ross, Sheila Reid, Andrew Leung, Gabriel Senior Directed by Neil McEnery-West The Story: Mark (Lee Ross), an artist in the middle of a custody battle, wakes up late due to an unexplained power outage.  He soon discovers there's no water, and as he's about to leave his apartment, he finds the door has been sealed shut.  He tries to communicate through the phone, but there's no reception. Then his neighbor, Sergei (Andrew Leung) and his young brother Nicu (Gabriel Senior) literally break through his wall, and they get together with fellow neighbors as they try to find out what's going on.  They see military in Hazmat suits outside, taking people from a neighboring apartment complex to a makeshift hospital.  Then they see their neighbors getting shot.  Soon they come for Mark and his neighbors, and it's a fight for survival as they try to understand what's going on, and how they could make it out alive. The Synopsis: ...

Worst2First:  Everything Friday the 13th  Growing up, I absolutely loved the Friday the 13th series.  It's got one of cinema's most iconic serial killers in the form of Jason Voorhees, who has a tragic backstory that causes him to be the unstoppable killer he is today.  The fact that he never speaks leaves the viewer open to seeing him as any scary thing they could think of.  He doesn't have the dry wit of Freddy, nor the philosophies of Pinhead.  He's the silent killer that lurks in the shadows who watches...and waits. There's been twelve Friday the 13th films (including Freddy vs. Jason), a documentary, with two video games and television series, and I'll now give my personal list of my favorite Friday the 13th everything...from Worst2First. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS!** #16 Friday the 13th NES Game  Hailed as one of the worst video games in history, the Nintendo "Friday the 13th" game is a laughable take on everyone's lo...