JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Parasitic Starring Camille Balsamo, Amanda Beck, Carrie Carnes, Miguel de la Rosa Directed by Tim Martin Synopsis: An alien parasite has crashed in the ocean and infected the fish.  One of these fish is delivered to a bar before it closes, and turns the manager into a host for the creature.  Since this person is the only one with keys, and since the doors are locked, no one can get out and they become prey for the parasite, who needs humans to host its spawn. Review: Alien parasite.  Invading a bar.  For some reason they can't just break down the door, use a window or use any other easy way to get out.  Instead they seem resigned to their fate, not really caring what happens as they run around haplessly.  I've seen several B-rated films, and this one ranks near the bottom.  Not only is the story completely stupid, but the acting is even worse.  A completely ridiculous outing from start to finish. Summary: Forget this film even ...

Truth or Die Starring Tom Kane, Liam Boyle, Jack Gordon, Florence Hall Directed by Robert Heath Synopsis: Five friends travel to a castle to celebrate the birthday of a fellow classmate that they oddly all picked on back in school.  Upon arriving, they discover there's no party, but party games will be played, namely Truth or Dare - the game that caused the student to hang himself and caused his brother to seek deadly revenge. Review: One thing I'll give this film credit for...and only one thing: the people who survive aren't the ones you expect.  However, even that leaves a sour taste in your mouth, as the people you're rooting for to die are the ones who survive, and the one you think will make it doesn't.  Throw in an obvious "twist" (hint, the brother never mentioned that his brother was dead, just hung himself), and you've got a boring snooze-fest revenge torture porn film that literally makes no sense, and it's one you'll...

An American Ghost Story Starring Stephen Twardokus, Liesel Kopp, Jon Gale, Wendy Haines Directed by Derek Cole Synopsis: Paul (Stephen Twardokus) is a down-and-out writer who wants to make a name for himself by writing a true ghost story, so he rents out a house that formerly saw its occupants killed by the father.  Night after night strange occurrences happen, and unbeknownst to Paul, his life is very well on the line. Review: They should've named this "An American Ghost Snorey."  Nothing really scary happens throughout the film, unless you take into account the cheap jump scares where loud music suddenly plays when nothing remotely scary happens.  When directors know they can't scare the populous, they resort to this cheap trick because we're all programmed to jump when a loud noise occurs. The acting, thin as it was, wasn't too bad.  Wasn't great, but not as bad as some other low-budget horror films. There's two unintentionally fu...

Evil Remains Starring Daniel Gillies, Jeff Davis, Clayne Crawford, Estella Warren Directed by James Merendino Synopsis: Twenty years after a man murdered his parents, a group of college filmmakers travel to the house to see if its haunted by the spirit of the son, or if the son is still alive.  When they arrive they notice strange traps and noises and learn that they're not the only ones at the house. Review: "Evil Remains" is a conglomerate mess in which it doesn't know what it wants.  Does it want to be a ghost story?  Or a serial killer story?  Instead of answering those questions, it mixes the two together for some odd sort of hybrid in which neither subgenre is satisfied. The acting is horrible, as the film also tries to make itself into a dramatic piece especially between bitter brothers Mark (Daniel Gillies) and Tyler (Clayne Crawford) and lesbian couple Kristy (Estella Warren) and Sharon (Ashley Scott).  Problems they have are never re...

X-Men: Days of Future Past Starring Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence Directed by Bryan Singer Synopsis: In a very destroyed world, mutants are hunted down and destroyed by Sentinels.  The few that are left hole up in a Chinese monastery, where Kitty (Ellen Page) uses her powers to send the consciousness of Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) back to 1973 to prevent Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) from assassinating Bolivar Trask (Peter Dinklage), who invented the Sentinels.  To do this, Wolverine must convince not just Mystique, but also the younger Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Eric (Michael Fassbender) to work together. Review: Growing up, "The X-Men" was one of my favorite comic series and TV shows.  When the first movie came out in 2000, I was very pleased.  Things got better in "X2," but then fell flat with "The Last Stand" and "X-Men Origins: Wolverine."  With "The First Class," things started...

Grey Skies Starring Aaron McPherson, Stacy Jorgensen, Michael Cornacchia, Anne Griffin Directed by Kai Blackwood Synopsis: A group of former college friends meet together in an excluded cabin to spend some quality time together.  While there, dark secrets come to light that threaten to divide the friendship forever, but there's bigger things to be worried about: aliens are stalking the group, and they have nefarious plans for them. Review: Alien films are either hit or miss for me.  Some ("Alien, "Aliens," "The Fourth Kind") were exceptional, while most ("Dark Skies") failed to pique my interest.  "Grey Skies" falls along the same lines as its closely named cousin "Dark Skies" in the disappointment department. First there's the cast.  The typical stock characters: the engaged couple with a dark secret, the gay couple with the overly flamboyant head, the horny stoner couple and the lone girl.  To that end ...

Sharknado Starring Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, John Heard, Cassandra Scerbo Directed by Anthony Ferrante Fin (Ian Ziering) is the other of a seaside bar and former surfing champion whose living a good life, until one day when a freak hurricane hits the California shore, unleashing deadly tornadoes and sharks in the city.  Together with his friend and fellow employee, he sets out to save his ex wife (Tara Reid), his son and daughter from the onslaught of the shark apocalypse. To take anything seriously in this film is taking it for granted.  For some reason its hit a sensational cult status, but it's probably because those people were either heavily intoxicated or high when they were watching this, because you'd have to be either to even remotely enjoy this piece of trash. The directing is something a high school art student could do.  In the first scenes you see Fin far away and you can clearly tell its a stunt double, and all the closeups of Ian Ziering show...