The Dog Stars

The Dog Stars
Starring Jacob Elordi, Josh Brolin, Margaret Qualley, Guy Pearce
Directed by Ridley Scott

Post-apocalyptic movies are thrilling, exciting, and fast-paced. Be it a zombie apocalypse, a natural disaster or man-made viruses, you're always bound to see survivors gathering together to horde their supplies as they come under attack from one group of enemies or another. This is why "The Dog Stars" is so frustrating - it's perpetually boring. Out of the too-long two hour runtime only about fifteen minutes are filled with action, and the rest is a dour story that is more about remembering the past than facing the future. Although it's got some great natural setting, this is a world where I would've wished I was gone before it happened, otherwise I'd die of boredom.

After an unknown virus killed most of society, Hig (Jacob Elordi) lives in an abandoned airport bunker with his trusty dog and former Marine Bangley (Josh Brolin). While Bangley is content with never seeing anyone ever again, Hig and his dog venture out to wasteland Denver to gather supplies and so he can pine for his wife, who died during the outbreak. After hearing a call from Grand Junction, Hig wants to explore to see if there's a safe haven there, while Bangley is still stubbornly staying at the bunker. Hig flies off to explore but the plane crashes, and he's taken in by Cima (Margaret Qualley) and her doubtful father Pops (Guy Pearce), who at first doesn't trust Hig becuase he's an unknown. Yet soon Cima and Hig - brought together by shared grief with the loss of their respective others and being the end of the world - begin a relationship, and as they venture to Grand Junction they hope that the people there aren't as crazy as the lunatics that've roamed the land.

SPOILER ALERT: The dog does die, and it's very sad. I don't give out spoilers but I'll always do it in this case because it triggers a lot of people.

"The Dog Stars" is based on a novel, which sometimes proves that it's better to be left on the page than the screen. Ridley Scott is one of cinema's most prolific directors, but recent duds like "Napoleon," "Gladiator II" and "House of Gucci" gave concerns whether or not "The Dog Stars" would be a success - and it wasn't. In fact, it's Scott's most negatively reviewed movie ever, and it's no surprise why. The film drags on at a dead snail's pace, giving long stretches of silence or Hig repeatedly talking about his dead wife and wanting to find something out there. It continues over and over, and there's no real character development to Hig, or anyone else for that matter.

It's not the fault of the actors, who all give decent performances considering what they have to work with. Jacob Elordi continues his hot streak as Hig, the lovable mechanic-turned-pilot who doesn't want to kill and who is like a sad puppy dog when thinking of his wife and...uh... Josh Brolin's Bangley is no-nonsense, gruff, and an expert shot who doesn't trust anyone and just wants to be alone and also...eh... Margaret Qualley's Cima...is a kind of doctor...who falls for Hig and...um...So Guy Peace is Cima's father who wants to protect her daughter at all costs and...well...

The only standout performer here is Allison Janney, who literally steals the show as a former stewardess-turned-leader who is essentially this version of "The Walking Dead's" Terminus leader Gareth (if you know, you know). Apart from her - and the scenes she's involved in - everything else is just pretty window dressing. We see a few scenes of wild survivors running amok ("Amok amok amok amok!" Thanks Sanderson) but the rest is about as fast as that sloth DMV worker in "Zootopia." 

The Score: D+