War of the Worlds

War of the Worlds
Starring Ice Cube, Eva Longoria, Clark Gregg, Iman Benson
Directed by Rich Lee

I don't know who said it - maybe I did, but I don't find myself that intelligent - but there's always been a thought rambling through my brain when it comes to movies: they either have to be so good you can't forget it, or so bad you find it impossible to forget it. Everything else is just mediocre and forgotten instantly. You want to remember the good, but you also remember the bad, but sometimes the bad is so good it's worthy of remembrance, if only for how insanely bad it is. "War of the Worlds" falls into that category, as it's become one of Amazon Prime's most successful original movies, but only because it's so notoriously bad you have to see it with your own eyes - that is, unless you try to pluck them out while sitting through it, which is a struggle in itself.

Will Radford (Ice Cube) is a surveillance and threat assessment expert at the Department of Homeland Security, but spends more time spying on his rebellious teenage son Dave (Henry Hunter Hall) and his pregnant biomedical researcher daughter Faith (Iman Benson). One day he gets a call from his friend Dr. Sandra Salas (Eva Longoria), who works at NASA, and informs him that the planet is being hit by numerous meteors. Yet those aren't meteors, but an alien species who attacks the Earth for the data it possesses, leaving Will under lockdown at the DHS while he tries to save his family and the world at large.

The story of the "War of the Worlds" is such an interesting one, I'm surprised a documentary hasn't been made on it. Written in 1898 by H.G. Wells, the story became infamous when famed actor Orson Welles narrated the story over radio in 1938, who was so good at storytelling that people actually believed we were being attacked by Martians. The book also had numerous film iterations, most notably Steven Spielberg's 2005 version, but also a bunch of low-budget movies as well. The Asylum - a production company best known for making "mockbusters" based on real blockbusters - made their own "War of the Worlds" in 2005 starring C. Thomas Howell, and even that film has a better imdb rating than this one. Honestly, it's a lot more fun than this one as well, and the effects are pretty much on par as well.

Movies like "Searching," "Missing," "Host," and "Unfriended" have utilized the idea of shooting a movie entirely through the lens of cell phones, laptop cameras and other forms of media that point to our heightened passion for viewing everything through those lenses, and that concept could've worked for "War of the Worlds" as well - after all, we have an alien invasion coming shortly (according to some Harvard professors), and I wouldn't be surprised if many people watch what happens through these lenses instead of, I don't know, actually going outside and using their own eyes. Yet this concept doesn't work here, as the only purpose this movie serves is to promote Amazon and give a hilariously inaccurate look at how important data is and the great lengths we go to protect it (again, coming from Amazon, this is hilarious when you think about it).

Ice Cube is getting a paycheck here to just sit and stare at a screen and act like he cares (which, for most of the film, he fails miserably at) as he watches the world burn from the safety of the DHS. He's the ultimate helicopter parent as he uses all the illegal surveillance tools to spy on his children rather than face actual threats, and his urgent looks look like he wants to take a dump but is backed up more than most people's saved search histories. The script proves what's wrong with Artificial Intelligence (although it says it's written by Kenneth A. Golde, which you can't tell me is not a made up name by AI) as there's absolutely no sense of urgency or fear to be had, but just numerous scenes where Will reacts to what's happening with lame one-liners and nonsensical phrases. 

The effects of this movie is the true "highlight," as the alien beings look like they were literally ripped from The Asylum's version and thrown into this bigger budget film (I assume it's bigger budget, but if they paid more than $10 to make it, they got hosed). They're laughably bad and not at all convincing, but that might've been the point. There was no desire to tell a story, but a way to market Amazon to more people. Seriously, Faith (Will's daughter) has a boyfriend who's an Amazon driver and saves the day by delivering a thumb drive to Will through an Amazon drone (after they had to purchase it on Amazon first...seriously...this happened). This was nothing more than a marketing ploy by Amazon, and proves that there's no such thing as bad publicity, because everyone's been talking (and, unfortunately, watching) about this movie.

Despite the original story, these aliens don't seemingly want global domination, but rather they're starving for data, which of course we have in spades because we've turned over every form of data to the government or private firms (*cough* Amazon *cough*) with relative ease. This movie tries to point out that data is our most prized possession, and again, with it being Amazon, you can't help but groan but then inwardly worry that it's actual truth. I have no idea what the aliens would do with our data (apart from trying to sell us some high-end property on Mars which, at this point in life, I'd be more than interested in), and I don't think the AI who wrote it (I searched for Kenneth A. Golde but found nothing...but then again I didn't try very hard...or at all...just trust me) knew the purpose either. But it'll make you want to click on more items on your Amazon account, so...kudos, I guess?

The Score: D-