Don't Move

Don't Move
Starring Kelsey Asbille, Finn Wittrock, Moray Treadwell, Daniel Francis
Directed by Adam Schindler & Brian Netto

If a woman is paralyzed in the woods and chased by a killer falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound? While in real life this sort of scenario is terrifying and haunting, "Don't Move" takes away any tension, dread, suspense or excitement and replaces it with mundane, generic moments that you've seen in numerous films like this, where all of a sudden everyone and their mother makes the stupidest mistakes possible (and other people will use the excuse that this would happen in real life too, and I call BS on that). It's surprising that this by-the-books film wasn't just directed by two people, but written by two people as well - it's like the running gag with Beyonce's "Run the World (Girls)" and Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," where Beyonce's song involving repetitious words was written by six writers, and "Bohemian Rhapsody" which is one of music's most iconic songs of all time was only written by one person. Why do you need so many people to write such a simple story?

Iris (Kelsey Asbille) is struggling with the untimely death of her young son, and heads to the woods where he died to end her own life, but is stopped by Richard (Finn Wittrock), a stranger who strikes up a conversation with her. She agrees to not end it and as they both go to leave, he stuns her and injects a serum that will make her temporarily paralyzed so he can have his way with her for the weekend. She runs off but the serum starts kicking in, leading to a cat-and-mouse game between the two and Iris finds a new purpose for living.

So yeah, this idea has been done numerous times in the past, and with rare exceptions does it ever go a different path that makes them memorable. Movies like "Trap" and "Alone" fall under the same general idea with the same bland outing, while others like "Hush" and "Funny Games" take the mold and shatter it, resulting in amazing films that'll stick with you. The only thing that sticks with you after "Don't Move" are your eyelids that cover your eyes because of the boredom you experience.

The movie doesn't really tell any sort of story, and we get to know our characters at the end as much as we knew them from the start. Iris is a young woman who lost her son, and is thrown into a survival game. Kelsey Asbille is probably a fine actress, but having only seen her here I have to take peoples' word for it. She is given a daunting task to deliver a performance almost entirely mute, but I've seen this done way better by more acclaimed actors. Here, we never get a sense of her existence outside of her grief, and by the end it's pretty much the same, save for knowing she really doesn't have what it takes to really survive on her own (such as dropping a crucial item needed to survive, and not doing enough to elicit immediate need).

Finn Wittrock is amazing at playing demented villains, as proven in the "American Horror Story" series. He's equal parts charming and psychopathic, so you'd expect a role like Richard would allow him to eat it up. However, his character is so thinly written that it's frustrating. He's so terrible at his job it's a wonder he's managed to pull this off before, as he makes mistake after mistake - but I guess since so does everyone else, he just makes them less. You don't get to know his true motives or reasons behind anything, and serves as the generic bad guy with the generic motives.

The film follows typical beats where it appears Iris could be saved in different moments, but of course everyone is stupid and no one does anything right. One guy finds her literally paralyzed and chooses to not call the cops, even though he keeps saying he would, until it's too late. Other people obviously notice her need, but are too stupid to realize it. Sure, people are stupid, but I hope they're not this stupid, otherwise we're all screwed.

"Don't Move" seems more like a plea than a movie title, begging us to sit and watch this snoozefest that you'll forget after you finally get up, which hopefully won't be until the end of this 92 minute yawner.

The Score: D-