God is a Bullet
God is a Bullet
Starring Nikolai Coster-Waldau, Maika Monroe, Karl Glusman, Jamie Foxx
Directed by Nick Cassaventes
Detective Bob Hightower (Nikolai Coster-Waldau) is investigating the murder of his wife and abduction of his daughter by a gang of religious cultists led by the demented Cyrus (Karl Glusman), but he doesn't find a lot of leads - until he meets Case Hardin (Maika Monroe), a girl who was also abducted by the cult years ago and became a member before fleeing and going into hiding. She agrees to help Bob find her daughter, and with the aid of the Ferryman (Jamie Foxx) the two enter the underground world of cult sacrifices, murder, and backstabbing.
The Good:
Maika Monroe is criminally underestimated in her performances. She hit the big screen hard with the epic low-budget horror flick "It Follows" and dominated the horror scene again last year with the psychological thriller "Watcher," and here she plays a wholly different role. Instead of a girl being chased by an unseen entity, or an American wife stuck in a foreign country where she's being stalked, she gets to showcase what an action star she is as Case, a no-nonsense, shoot-first-ask-questions-later survivor who serves as the fabled Charon, who serves as our guide through the demented world of cultists and blood sacrifices. If it wasn't for her (and the aforementioned TikTok), I would've been gone in twenty minutes.
There are some moments where the film really hones in on its gratuitous use of violence, causing me to look up from my screen and nod in approval before it goes back into an hour or so of wasted dialogue. One of the opening scenes is reminiscent of "A Clockwork Orange" and "Martyrs" that gave me hope that this would be an interesting film to watch, only to be let down by its super long runtime.
The Bad:
The film DRAGS. At a whopping 156 minutes it could've been trimmed by 50 minutes, and maybe then it could've been passable as being bad. As it is, it was definitely a test of my patience as I glanced at my phone numerous times to find what time it was, and I'm pretty sure I actually went back in time waiting for it to end. While it had some decent action, it accounted for about fifteen minutes of the overall near-"Avengers: Engame" length.
Nikolai Coster-Waldau's Bob is hilariously stupid. He loses his ex-wife and finds his daughter has been kidnapped, but there doesn't seem to be any sense of urgency to get her back. I often forgot that was his goal, and thought he was just out to find the cultists because they were evil. He meanders his way through the film, and only so often mentions his missing daughter in passing, like he lost his favorite razor.
The story repeats itself, sending our hapless heroes into the lap of the enemy numerous times, where the film could've gracefully ended, but instead they just leave to plan their next attack, when they never attacked in the first place. One time Case gets taken by the group and could've shot their leader, but instead she plays along like she's back in the group before fleeing again. Bob comes into contact with them and then leaves just because (I'm sure there was a reason, but I was watching the TikTok video where a guy uses a randomizer to pick what Marvel and DC characters would fight against each other and I was more engrossed in that).
The cultists are heavily tatted, which would be fine if they all didn't look like those tattoos you find in those dime-game vending machines you find while leaving the supermarket.
I could go on about how bad this film is, but I don't want to give it anymore space in my mind.
The Verdict:
While God doesn't make mistakes, mistakes are made in his name, and one of these greatest mistakes is "God is a Bullet."
The Score: D-
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